Shaykh Muhammad ‘Awwamah (hafizahullah) while explaining the importance of etiquette with seniors, writes:
“I was once with my friend at our Madrasah Sha’baniyyah in Aleppo (may Allah Ta’ala alleviate the sufferings of its people soon) when we saw two of our senior teachers.
- Shaykh Abdul Fattah Abu Ghuddah (rahimahullah)
- Shaykh Mufti Muhammad As’ad ‘Ibajy (rahimahullah)
My friend proceeded to greet and shake the hand of Shaykh ‘Abdul Fattah first. He refused and said: “First greet the Shaykh (Mufti). First greet the Shaykh (Mufti)”
Shaykh ‘Awwamah says:
I thought to myself: while my friend greets the Mufti, I will greet Shaykh ‘Abdul Fattah.
Again Shaykh ‘Abdul Fattah (rahimahullah) refused, saying in a more stern voice:
‘Greet the Shaykh (Mufti) first!
‘Greet the Shaykh (Mufti) first!”
– end of quote.
(Ma’alim Irshadiyyah, pg. 226-227)
Moral:
Many of us are unmindful of this important etiquette; to greet the elder/senior first; before others.
Just as we are thought to first serve the elders before others, the same applies to the manners of greeting, meeting, offering a seat, allowing them to speak first etc.
Rasulullah (sallallahu’alayhi wasallam) frequently encouraged putting the elders first.
(Sahih Bukhariy)
Imam Nawawiy (rahimahullah) has a dedicated chapter on this etiquette in Riyadus Sawlihin.
For more, refer to the book: Islamic Manners, by Shaykh Abdul Fattah, pgs. 44-51
16/08/2017
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التخريج من المصادر العربية
معالم إرشادية (ص ٢٢٦ ـ ٢٢٧): والشيء بالشيء يذكر، كنت في يوم من أيام الإجازة الصيفية مع صديقي الأعز، أخي الحبيب في الله، التقي الصالح، الأستاذ الشيخ عبد المجيد قطان رحمه الله داخلين إلى المدرسة الشعبانية أدام الله بقاءها، وعمرها بالعلم والعمل، فوافق دخولَنا باب المدرسة لقاؤنا بسماحة الشيخ المفتي محمد أسعد عبجي، وخرج معه يودِّعه إلى باب المدرسة سيدي القدوة الأجل المربي الأستاذ الشيخ عبد الفتاح أبو غدة رحمهما الله تعالى، فتقدم أخي الشيخ عبد المجيد ليبدأ بالسلام أولاً على الأستاذ الشيخ عبد الفتاح فأبى عليه وقال له: الأستاذ أول، الأستاذ أول، فتحول للسلام على سماحة المفتي، فقلت في نفسي: ريثما يسلم أخي الشيخ عبد المجيد على الشيخ المفتي، أنا أسلّم على الأستاذ الشيخ عبد الفتاح، فتقدمت للسلام عليه، فأبى عليّ وقال بلهجة أشد: الأستاذ أول، الأستاذ أول.
ومن أدرك تلك الفترة الزمنية، وحالَ هؤلاء الشيوخ الثلاثة حينئذ، أدرك قيمة هذا الأدب حقاً، رضي الله عن مشايخنا ومؤدبينا وجزاهم عنا خير الجزاء، وأكرمنا بالسير على هديهم.
وتساءل معي: أين هؤلاء ممن يقول ـ وقد اشترك في الجلوس في غرفة الأساتذة والمدرسين، مع أساتذته – : لقد تساوت الرؤوس !!.
صحيح البخاري (٣١٧٣): حدثنا مسدد، حدثنا بشر هو ابن المفضل، حدثنا يحيى، عن بشير بن يسار، عن سهل بن أبي حثمة، قال: انطلق عبد الله بن سهل، ومحيصة بن مسعود بن زيد، إلى خيبر وهي يومئذ صلح، فتفرقا فأتى محيصة إلى عبد الله بن سهل وهو يتشمط في دمه قتيلا، فدفنه ثم قدم المدينة، فانطلق عبد الرحمن بن سهل، ومحيصة، وحويصة ابنا مسعود إلى النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم، فذهب عبد الرحمن يتكلم، فقال: «كبر كبر» وهو أحدث القوم، فسكت فتكلما، فقال: «تحلفون وتستحقون قاتلكم، أو صاحبكم»، قالوا: وكيف نحلف ولم نشهد ولم نر؟ قال: «فتبريكم يهود بخمسين»، فقالوا: كيف نأخذ أيمان قوم كفار، فعقله النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم من عنده.
رياض الصالحين للنووي (باب توقير العلماء والكبار وأهل الفضل وتقديمهم على غيرهم ورفع مجالسهم وإظهار مرتبتهم).
(Islamic Manners (pg 44 – 51
Elders are to be Served First
Give precedence to the elderly or to dignitaries ahead of anyone else. After that, you may proceed with those on their right, which is in accordance with the practice of Rasūlullāh (sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam). The evidence supporting this manner in addition to the two ahādīth mentioned above, is illustrated in many ahādīth, some of which are cited below.
Imām Muslim (rahimahullah) reported in his Sahīh under the chapter of, “The Manner and Rules of Eating and Drinking” that Sayyidunā Hudhayfah Ibn Yamān (radiyallahu’anhu) said, “Whenever we were invited to a meal with Rasūlullāh (sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam), we would not stretch out for the food until he reached for it.”
To emphasize the importance of these manners, Imām An-Nawawīy (rahimahullah), in his book Riyādhus Sālihīn, cited a large collection of Ahādīth and devoted an entire chapter to this subject entitled, “The Chapter of Respecting Scholars, the Elderly, the Dignitaries, Giving Them Precedence and the Best Seat and Acknowledging their Rank.”
Allāh said in the Qur’ān:
{هَلْ يَسْتَوِي الَّذِينَ يَعْلَمُونَ وَالَّذِينَ لَا يَعْلَمُونَ إِنَّمَا يَتَذَكَّرُ أُولُو الْأَلْبَابِ}
[الزمر: ٩]
Are those who know equal to those who do not know? It is only those who possess understanding that receive admonition
(Surah Az-Zumar: 9)
Sayyidunā ‘Uqbah Ibn ‘Āmir Al-Badrīy Al-Ansārīy (radiyallahu’anhu) stated that Rasūlullāh (sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said, “Those who are best at reciting the Qur’ān should lead the people in salāh. If they are equal, then those who are well-versed in the sunnah should lead, if they are equal, then a person who emigrated earlier (from Makkah to Madīnah) should lead. If they emigrated at the same time, then the elder should lead.”
(Sahīh Muslim)
Sayyidunā ‘Abdullāh Ibn Mas’ūd (radiyallahu’anhu) reported that Rasūlullāh (sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said, “Let your wise and intelligent ones stand close to me (in salāh), then those that are lower than them in rank, and then those that are lower than them in rank, and so on. (Rasūlullāh (sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said this thrice)”
(Sahīh Muslim)
Sayyidunā Jābir Ibn ‘Abdullāh (radiyallahu’anhu) said, “After the Battle of Uhud, Rasūlullāh (sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam) buried two martyrs at a time in a single grave. He would ask, “Which of the two memorized more of the Qur’ān?” Upon being informed as to who it was, Rasūlullāh (sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam) would lay him down first.”
(Sahīh Bukhārīy)
Sayyidunā ‘Abdullāh Ibn ‘Umar (radiyallahu’anhu) stated that Rasūlullāh (sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said, “I dreamt I was brushing my teeth with a miswāk when two men approached me. I handed the miswāk to the younger but I was then instructed to hand it to the elder. Accordingly, I handed it to the elder.”
[Sahīh Muslim]
Sayyidunā Abū Mūsā Al-Ash’arīy (radiyallahu’anhu) stated that Rasūlullāh (sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said, “Part of paying homage to Allāh Ta’ala is to respect an elderly Muslim, whose hair has turned grey, a hāfidh of the Qur’ān, who is neither too strict nor to lax with regard to it, and a just ruler.”
(Sunan Abī Dāwud)
Sayyidunā Maymūn Ibn Abī Shabīb (radiyallahu’anhu) recounted that a beggar stopped by Rasūlullāh’s (sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam) wife, Sayyidatunā ‘Ā’ishah (radiyallahu’anha). She gave him a piece of dry bread. At another time, a properly dressed, well-groomed man passed by her. She let him sit and offered him a meal. When asked about that, she replied, Rasūlullāh (sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said, “Treat people according to their status.”
(Sunan Abī Dāwūd, and Hākim classified it as sahīh)
Imām Al Nawawīy (rahimahullah) concluded this chapter by citing a hadīth as reported by Imām Bukhārīy and Imām Muslim in which Sayyidunā Samurah Ibn Jundub (radiyallahu’anhu) said, “Though I was a young child at the time of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam), I used to listen to what he said and memorize it. Nothing prevents me from narrating my knowledge except the presence of men elder than me.”
Greeting in Order of Merit
In this light, the sunnah is to start according to the following order of merit: age, knowledge, social status, lineage (like one belonging to the family of Rasūlullāh sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam), leadership, veterans of Jihād, generosity or similar virtues. Furthermore, the sunnah of hospitality is to start with the most prominent, then to move to those on the right in order to reconcile the ahādīth that instruct starting from the right with the ahādīth which suggest starting with people of virtue.
Some people of weak understanding mistakenly claim that the sunnah is to start with those on your right whoever they may be. They base this on those ahādīth which encourage starting from the right. But this is only correct when those present are all equal or
similar in character, status or age. In that case the one on the right of the host should be commenced with. However, if one of them is distinguished with a merit such as old age, then the sunnah is to start with this person, for this is a characteristic which warrants preference.
Imām Ibn Rushd (rahimahullah) said in his book “Al-Bayān Wat Tahsil”: “As a rule, if the status of those present is equal, one should commence with those on the right, as with every desirable act. However, if a scholar, an honourable person or an elder is present, the sunnah is to start with such a person and then move to his or her right in a counter clockwise fashion.* Rasūlullāh (sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam) was offered milk mixed with water while a Bedouin was sitting on his right, and seated to his left was Sayyidunā Abū Bakr (radiyallahu’anhu). Rasūlullāh (sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam) drank some and handed it over to the Bedouin saying, “From the right, then to the right.”
Do not proceed to the left even if the person to the left is of a higher status in knowledge, virtue or age, unless those on the right agree to pass their turn. This is in conformity to what Rasūlullāh (sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam) did when he was seated with an elder to his left and a young man on his right when he was offered a drink. After drinking, he asked the young man: “Would you give me permission to pass it to those elderly ones on the left? The boy answered, “By Allāh, no. I would not favour anyone with my share of your drink.” “Rasūlullāh (sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam) willingly put the drink in the child’s hand indicating that it was his right.”
Therefore, the general rule is to start on the right if those present are equal in merit. However, if there is a person who is distinguished by a respectable trait or is one of virtue, then undoubtedly to start with that person would be more appropriate. (Then move to the right.)
If we were to follow the alleged rule that, hosts ought to start with the persons who are on their immediate right, then this could result in starting with a child, a servant, a driver, or a guard, who may even be a non-Muslim, at the expense of more prominent guests such as a dignitary, a revered scholar, a leader, a parent, a grandparent, or an uncle. Would it be acceptable by the Sharī’ah and its refined manners to forsake honouring and starting with persons of honour in favour of starting with a child, a servant, a driver and then to proceed to a person of higher status? Also, it is possible that there may be ten persons or more, sitting on the right, before the most honourable person. In that case, he may only be reached after ten or even twenty more people. Islamic manners definitely do not accept this irregular conduct.
However, if someone asks for a drink, they have a right to be served before anybody else regardless of his age or status. It should then be served to those on his right. If this person notices someone elder or of a higher status showing desire for the drink, he may willingly give up his right in favour of that person. When preferring others to oneself, one has practiced the Islamic manner of unselfishness and one will achieve great virtue, honour and earn great rewards.